oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
