he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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