I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
