just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
