It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
