I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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