Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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