Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
