I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
