One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
