shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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