i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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