just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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