The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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