just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
