He felt like a one man threesome
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
