Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
