my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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