Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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