he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
