matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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