we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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