she was so not down for the gang bang
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
