You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
