See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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