I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
