Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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