The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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