She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
