when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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