ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
