I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
