Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
