I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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