ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
