they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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pop tarts are not kleenex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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