I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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