Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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