VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
