I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
