Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
