don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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