I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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