My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
