In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
