You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
