Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like, not good at living.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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