I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
