your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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