Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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