Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
