Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
