I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so let's talk penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
