Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
