no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
