I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
