"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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