You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
