I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
