I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
