Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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