The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
