At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
