And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
