summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
