I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
