next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
