He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
