hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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