I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
