She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
