i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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